I’m proud to introduce what will surely be a smash hit on my fledgling blog:  A regular, weekly feature highlighting delightful snack treats enjoyed by exactly no one.

You know you’ve seen them, but you’ve never seen someone actually eating them. Maybe they’re hanging on a full rack in your office’s snack machine or perhaps you were once forced to sell them to raise money for your elementary school. It’s possible there was always a bowl full of them at your grandparent’s house when you were a child.  Whatever the case, I believe these unexciting edibles deserve their time in the spotlight. 

First, I must explain that, for the purposes of this blog, I define “snack treat/food” as any sort of cracker, chip, nut, etc., as well as candy items (chocolate and the sour & fruity types). Generally, I don’t think meats fit into this category, unless we’re talking about your classic beef jerky.  While I think we can all agree on the popular snacks – Cheetos, Ritz Crackers, Doritos, M&M’s, Planter’s Peanuts, and so forth - I expect there will be some debate about unpopular ones. You may not always agree with my choices, but that’s okay. Feel free to comment and explain why.

There, now that we’ve got the introductory stuff out of the way, it’s time for me to announce my selection for the inagurual edition of “Snack Foods Nobody Likes.”  The snack food is … drumroll, please … Poppycock!

Poppycock packaging somehow manages to be both ostentatious & boring.

The official manufacturer’s description of Poppycock is as follows:  ”An indulgent candy confection and a gourmet popcorn lover’s dream. Crunchy and splendidly scrumptious, Poppycock clusters are a decadent blend of fluffy popcorn and premium whole tree nuts—pecans, almonds, and cashews—all covered in our Amazing Glaze.” While this is certainly an impressive collection of adjectives, it simply isn’t very compelling (“whole tree nuts”? Not sexy). In some ways, it’s a little frightening … “Amazing Glaze”? Anyone care to know what’s in that? 

The official website also explains that a man named Howard Vair created Poppycock clusters “more than 50 years ago as a snack to take along on tedious road trips through the Midwest.” This seems sowehow appropriate. A terrifically boring snack for terrifically boring car trips.

In fairness, I’ve never tried Poppycock, so I can’t comment on the taste. I can, however, say that the name is incredibly off-putting. Let’s look at the definition, shall we? According to my diligent InterWeb research, Poppycock is an interjection meaning “nonsense” or “balderdash.” It is also an ”anglicized form of the Dutch “pappekak,” which literally means “soft dung or diarrhea.”  Yummy.

So, there you have it. My first pick for “Snack Foods Nobody Likes.” I’ll be back next week with another boring/bad/unpopular selection that you can look for (and, ultimately, ignore) on your next shopping trip. In the meantime, I want to hear from you, so send in your suggestions!